Uni So Far

This is going to be a REALLY long post, just a warning haha.
I haven't really been planning on doing a blog post about uni because it is something that I hate and it actually embarrasses me the fact I have had such a disaster with it.  But today it is just really bothering me so I felt like I would write about it to try and make me feel better.  I just have to remind my self that I couldn't help being ill and its not my fault (as everyone is constantly telling me)

So.  Lets go right back to when I was in year 13.  My school was one of those ones that pushed us into it.  It was either uni or nothing.  I never ever wanted to go to uni, but when I had my school constantly talking about how good it was and that you need it etc, I kind of felt I had no choice.  So here we are now, 3 years down the line and I'm not even in second year.

The idea of uni did eventually grow on me and by the time it came for me to move out of home and to uni I was looking forward to it.  Nervous as hell, but a little excited.  Now here is where it all goes wrong haha.

Things started off alright.  I got on with my flat mates for about the first month or so, but then we all started to not get along.  I'm mainly talking about 2 of them really.  I had another flat mate who I got on SO well with and I always knew that he was there for me if I needed him and we were really close.

However, I suddenly started feeling absolutely awful.  I was missing most of my lectures, staying in bed and I was on the phone to my mum most of the time.  We didn't know what was happening to me because I had never felt like this before.  I had only ever had anxiety, never depression.  So off we went to the Doctors where she diagnosed me with depression.  Long story short, I couldn't find the right medication for me, I felt awful 24/7 and ended up basically leaving my first year at uni by February.

That left me with having to do my first year again in September (when I should have been in second year) things were all going okish.  Better than the year before, anyway.  Then my Grandad became ill towards the end of the year and things became hard again.  I passed the year but I was no where near ready to go back to uni in September.

It was decided that I would have a sort of year out.  I say sort of because everyone knew that if I had a full on year out of uni there was no way I would ever go back.  It was worked out for me to do a few bits of work from the year before which I struggled with so then I would find it easier in the second year.  ANYWAY, I've finished that now and I'm going into year 2 in September.

The reason for me suddenly deciding to write all this and share it is because I just feel so crap about it all right now.  All the people I know from my first first year are leaving.  I'm seeing all these posts like "finished my degree" "Can't wait to graduate" and it just sucks so much that I should be leaving right now but because uni has been so crap and I ended up messing it all up, I'm not and I'm stuck there for another TWO years.  Also one of my closest friends at uni is leaving this year which means I won't get to see her as much next year and that is horrible to think about!

Anyway sorry this is such a long post and if you're still reading, I applaud you haha.  I just felt like I needed to write it out somewhere and that is what I use my blog for!

The next post will be more like my usual ones :)