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Why I Should be Proud of Myself

I feel like this a weird post to write, but I feel like it is something I need to do.  I'm also really trying to fight the feelings of thinking I'm big headed or stupid for writing this.

Anyway, self confidence and praising my self has always been something I've struggled with.  I am so hard on myself and never ever give my self credit for any good things I do. In my heart of heart, I probably do know that I've achieved a lot, but as soon as I admit to that I feel like I'm being big headed.  It is just nicer hearing other people are proud of you, I guess, but I need to learn to be proud of myself too.  So, here's why I should be proud of myself.

I'm currently in my final year of university.  I only have 4 assignments left to complete until I finish for good.  After the longest and most difficult 5 years of my life, I'm almost finished.  I started uni in 2013, absolutely terrified, but a tiny bit excited.  I never had as many mental health problems as I do now, but that first year affected me in ways I was not prepared for.  Everything that could possibly go wrong, did. I ended up having to basically leave half way through because I was in such a horrendous place and it just was not safe for me to continue.  So 2014 came round and it was time for me to start again in the hope I was ready to deal with it again. I wasn't.  But I carried on and pushed through thanks to amazing supportive friends (Rebecca-Marie, you) The end of the year was not good, my Grandad was seriously ill and in hospital and a couple of months later, he passed away.  Another set back.  I had to take a break from uni, again.  This time I carried on living down in my house as I didn't want to have a whole year of not doing anything as I knew it would end up with me quitting and not going on to do my second year.  So second year came round and I was so nervous as I was a year behind than my course friends so I now had to attempt to make new friends with people who were already friends. Not easy.  I did it though and at least I still had my housemates.  Second year was difficult and knowing my housemates would be graduating when I also should have been was really hard.  I also started intense CBT in London (no where near my uni) so I was doing that weekly which was extremely tough.  I had times when all I wanted to do was leave, but I didn't and I completed second year.  Then results came round, and two of my marks and been put in the wrong way which meant I had failed.  It took me a couple of days to realise this and wow were these two days tough.  Anyway, it got sorted and I hadn't failed.

Finally, I had got to third year.  I felt better this time.  Therapy had helped me an incredible amount. I  was nervous about having to live by myself, but for once I did feel ok about going back to uni after the summer.  Surprise surprise, it started badly.  I hadn't heard from my uni mentor who I had been seeing since I started.  So, I called wellbeing and found out she had left.  She had told them that everyone she had been seeing had graduated.  My heart sunk, I was so annoyed and upset that she had either just forgotten about me or just didn't care.  Anyway, I got a new mentor.  I get on with her well now but it wasn't so good at first.  So here we are, just over a month until I finish for good.  I worked out recently that I'm not going to end up with the grade I wanted, I've been so upset the past couple of weeks and was ready to quit, but you know what?  I don't care.  I can finally admit that I am so proud of myself for getting to this point after everything I have been through.  Knowing how awful my mental health has been and how hard university is gernally, I've done bloody good to get to this point.

Another thing I know I should be proud of my myself for is how much achieved during recent therapy. I faced so many of my fears, I even had a blood test and didn't faint.  Pretty big deal for me. I may have recently relapsed which I am devastated about, but I guess I just need to remember the things I did achieve because they still stand.  I am proud of my self and I have every right to be. Just hope this doesn't come across as big headed.

If any of you are struggling with uni or even therapy, I fully believe you will get there. If I can do it, anyone can.

Giving Up Chocolate For a Month

So, it has been a long time since I posted on here properly.  I always seem to start getting back into it and feel passionate about it, then something happens and then life gets in the way of my poor blog! Anyway, here's hoping this makes the start of more regular blogging! I will do an update post soon (if thats something you all want?!)
Anyway, for today I thought I would do a post on a challenge I am taking part in this month.  As you can see from the title, I am giving up chocolate for a month.  This is all in aid of the British Heart Foundation. The British Heart Foundation is an extremely good charity and carries out lots of important research and I definitely eat too much chocolate so why not make some money for an amazing charity whilst making me a bit healthier? 

If anyone wants to donate I would be extremely grateful! I will post the link if anyone asks for it! BHF is a good charity after all and giving up chocolate for a whole month is definitely going to be a tough one!! 

Sorry it is only a short post today but I thought I'd let you all know about the challenge to get some donations and for maybe some of you to even take part! Here's a link for all the info.  Good luck anyone that is taking part in #DECHOX 

The best Chocolate Cupcakes

I love baking.  I've posted a few times on here about recipes I've liked. I find I can never bake at the moment as I don't have enough people to eat it all! It is only your standard chocolate cupcake but they taste so good so thought I would share with you! I've always had a good response from them!

I found this recipe online so it's not like I made it up myself or anything! You will need the following:
(Makes 12 cupcakes) 
-150g butter 
-150g caster sugar
-175g self - raising flour 
-25g cocoa powder 
-3 eggs 

For the buttercream icing - 
-250g butter 
-500g icing sugar 
-Vanilla Extract
-Chocolate flake/chocolate chips/chocolate sprinkles (anything you want really!) 
I do half this icing recipe as 500g is a whole box of icing sugar and I find half is plenty and I still have some icing left over.

Onto making the cakes! First things first, pre heat your oven to gas mark 4 / 180 c / 350f and line your cupcake tin with cupcake cases.

 Next, beat the 3 eggs together in a small bowl.  
Then in a separate bowl cream together the butter and sugar and then add the flour and sift in the cocoa powder. Once this is all mixed together, slowly add the beaten eggs.   

It is easiest to use an electric whisk for this part but you can use a spoon if you don't have an electric whisk!  How easy is that?! Now just spoon the mixture evenly into the cases.


Put them in the oven for 15-20 minutes, I've found 20 minutes to be perfect but it all depends on your oven. You can check if they're cooked by putting a skewer in through the middle of the cupcake and it should come out clean.

Once they're done put them on a wire rack to cool and while you wait, you can start the icing! In a bowl put the butter in and then gradually sift in the icing sugar.  If you add it all at once, you will have a cloud of icing sugar when you try and stir it! Slowly mix together and add a couple of drops of vanilla extract.  Then use an electric whisk to whisk together to make the icing nice and fluffy.  If you find the icing to be too thick then add a bit of milk but I've never had to.

Once the cakes are completely cool, you can start icing! I like to pipe the icing but if you prefer you can always just spoon it on.  Once they're all iced, add your decorations.  I like to use crumbled flakes.  Absolute worst blogger ever, I forgot to take pictures of the finished ones!!! 

And there, your cakes are finished! They're so easy to make and taste amazing so I definitely recommend this recipe.

Let me know if you try this recipe :)

My Bedtime Routine

What a surprise, I've ended up having a massive break from blogging again. I don't really have any real reasons for this, I still love blogging and reading other blogs but I guess uni and life in general got in the way of my blog! Anyway, I'm back now.

I struggle with sleeping, no two ways about it.  So I really do try everything to get a decent nights sleep and I think a big part of this is to have a routine in place.  I've mentioned a bit about my routine in this post but this will include other aspects that I haven't mentioned before!

(I adore this bedding but wow it is hard to make it look good in pictures!)

I know how bad this is, but I really struggle with a set bed time.  I normally end up getting ready for bed around 11 and then don't end up in bed until 12 as I just get distracted! Anyway, first things first is skincare.

I'm sure you all know by now how much I love my Liz Earle Cleanse and Polish.  Honestly my holy grail product! I will always try and use this to remove my makeup and cleanse my face well but sometimes I am a bit lazy and will just use a makeup wipe.  My favourite are the Simple ones.




















I also have this Botanics cleanser that I use if I have used a makeup wipe as I find that gets off anything else left from the makeup wipe.  From the same brand I have the serum as well. I've never really used a serum before so I can't compare it to any others but it does the job for me and I'm really enjoying using it.




















Finally, moisturiser.  I use the Liz Earle one which I absolutely love.  I also use it in the mornings as well before I put on my makeup.  Although it is a bit pricier, I definitely recommend it if you're currently looking for a new moisturiser.

So once all my skincare is done, I get into my PJs and straight into my bed. No surprises, but I end up sitting on my phone for ages before I end up gong to sleep.  

As well as a routine before bed I believe that a good mattress is very important to help you get a good nights sleep. That is where Leesa comes in. I am currently lucky enough that I do have a good mattress at the moment as my room was re done just over a year ago and I got a new mattress.  However, Leesa do some of the best mattresses I have seen and at reasonable prices, win win.  I am actually a bit sad I didn't know about them when I was looking last year! Anyway, they know how important a mattress is for a good nights sleep.  This mattress is one I really love the sound of.  It has 3 different layers, one being a memory foam which I'm sure is very nice! The reviews on the website too speak for themselves! 
I would definitely recommend this company if you are wanting a new mattress and there is also £100 off with a code that is advertised on the website.  What more could you want! 

I hope you all enjoyed this first post back from me! 

What is your current bedtime beauty routine? What do you think of these mattresses? 

CBT

I've spoken about my mental health on my blog a bit before, but not for a while and I've never really spoken about therapy.  I'm going through a real crappy time with my mental health at the moment so I just thought I would blog about it as blogging takes my mind off of things but I just can't face talking about things that seem silly to me at the moment like beauty products and reviews etc. So, here we are now with a blog post about my mental health and current therapy.